Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert
BOOK REVIEWS BY BINOD
BINOD’S RATING: 7.5/10Gilbert’s thesis is about why human beings are forever wrongly predicting what will make them happy. Because of errors our brains tend to make, we don't want the things that would make us happy — and the things that we want won't make us happy.
Key points
Definitions
happiness is an abstract concept that’s hard to define. It’s a subjective emotion that can’t be measured objectively or compared across people. Although it’s impossible to know whether your definition of happiness matches someone else’s, you can point out things in the environment that make you happy. You can also study how the brain works when people are experiencing this emotion.
Lousy predictors
Not knowing what makes other people happy is one thing. But shouldn't we be able to figure out what will make ourselves happy?
No, Gilbert argues. For one thing, we change across time; the person you are when you are imagining what it would be like to have that fancy new car is not the person you will be when you actually have that fancy new car.
People are bad at predicting their own future happiness. They use their imaginations to predict how happy they’ll be in the future, but that’s a terrible way to plan for happiness.
The trauma effect
Here is a paradox of sorts. Events that we anticipate will give us joy make us less happy than we think; things that fill us with dread will make us less unhappy, for less long, than we anticipate.
Gilbert cites studies showing that many people who endure major trauma (wars, car accidents, rapes) return successfully to their pre-trauma emotional state. In fact, weirdly, many of them report that they ended up happier than they were before the trauma!
There is a lot of research supporting this notion:
Gore voters in the drawn-out 2000 election who wrongly predicted how unhappy they would be, and for how long, if Bush were declared the victor;
College students who mistakenly predict how miserable they would feel if their football team lost;
People who overestimated how long they'd feel blue over a lost love or a lost job.
Within a few weeks, even earthquake survivors tend to return to previous levels of optimism.
People actually feel less pain when they believe they are suffering for something of great value.
Distorted reality
Reality is often ambiguous. Optical illusions that confuse the senses illustrate this phenomenon.
The issue is that the brain is wired to perceive the world in a positive light. It provides psychological immune systems that help people feel good about negative events. You may not realize that you have a distorted response to your current situation. It could be emotionally satisfying, but it’s still faulty and will lead to bad decisions.
What we think is reality is merely just a version of reality. It's just our interpretation of the world.
The issues with imagination
One key differentiator between humans and other animals is that humans think about the future. But there are 3 major shortcomings with imagination:
Imagination tends to add and remove details, but people do not realize that key details may be fabricated or missing from the imagined scenario. See Blind spots below.
Imagined futures (and pasts) are more like the present than they actually will be (or were). See Presentism below.
Imagination fails to realize that things will feel different once they actually happen—most notably, the psychological immune system will make bad things feel not so bad as they are imagined to feel.
Vague imagination
When we imagine the distant future, we tend to imagine things in generalities and gloss over the details. When we imagine things in the near future (like tomorrow), we tend to think in concrete details.
The solution? It could be useful to perform an exercise where you write down the concrete details of future tasks, events, goals, etc. This will force you to be clear about the specific actions and fully imagine the details of the event rather than remaining in dream mode where the details are fuzzy.
Blind spots
Gilbert says that “When we imagine the future, we often do so in the blind spot of our mind’s eye.”
It is easy to notice what is there (a dog barking) but difficult to notice the absence of something (you rarely recognize a dog not barking as an event because it's just silence).
The silences, misses, and absences of events are crucial in determining the real-world implications of things, but we rarely pick up on them. We tend to remember what did happen, but not what didn't happen.
Presentism
The concept of “presentism” is the idea that we’re unable to imagine what the future will be like because we’re too focused on what’s happening now.
For example, if you feel hungry right now, it might be hard for you to remember how full you felt or imagine how much better you’ll feel after a big meal later. If your brain feels depressed at the moment and trying to imagine being happy, it’s almost impossible.
People assume that what they do, say or feel now is the same as it would have been in the past. They also imagine that it will be the same in the future.
Since the brain prefers to focus on reality over imagination, it will prioritize a real image over an imaginary one. If your current emotional state is positive or negative based on how you perceive reality right now, it will affect how strongly those emotions play into future events and predictions about them.
"Teenagers get tattoos because they are confident that DEATH ROCKS will always be an appealing motto," Gilbert writes. "Smokers who have just finished a cigarette are confident for at least five minutes that they can quit and that their resolve will not diminish with the nicotine in their bloodstreams."
Myopia
People tend to favor and value more the near future (the next few years) over the distant future (the next decade or so).
The near term is much more immediate and easier to imagine. However, when planning for happiness or success, thinking about the distant future is just as important as the immediate future.
Unusual events
We tend to focus on things that seem unusual or extraordinary. While this is useful for analysis, it doesn’t give us an accurate picture of what happens most of the time to most people.
As Gilbert says, “The least likely experience is often the most likely memory” and “We tend to remember the best of times and the worst of times not the most likely of times.”
Gilbert argues that what he calls the "psychological immune system" kicks into gear in response to big negative events (the death of a spouse, the loss of a job) but not in response to small negative events (your car breaking down). Which means that our day-to-day happiness may be predicated more strongly on little events than on big ones. This sounds bizarre, but Gilbert cites study after study suggesting that it's true.
Feeling unique
As Gilbert says, “The average person doesn’t seem herself as average.”
One example: 90 percent of motorists consider themselves to be safer than average drivers. Rather than being caused by pure selfishness, this could be an indication of our tendency to believe we are unique and different from others (in good and bad ways).
It’s not that we always see ourselves as superior. But we almost always see ourselves as unique. This has serious implications.
Because since memory, perception and imagination are often faulty, how can you make choices that will make you happy? Studies indicate that asking others about what they did in similar situations is the most reliable way to predict happiness. If a person asks someone who has had success with a particular choice, then he or she is likely to be successful as well. It is possible for most people’s emotions/reactions to be similar because humans are all alike at some level.
But most people don’t like to use this approach because they believe themselves to be unique and special in their own way. They also think that the emotions of another person cannot predict how they will feel about something.
Happiness and independence
Because most people rely on their own cognitive powers, they don’t ask others for advice. Instead, they make poor decisions and continue to be unhappy with the outcome.
Happiness from uncertainty
Weirdly enough, uncertainty can preserve and prolong our happiness.
When events seem rare, unexplainable or strange, we tend to value them more than things that can be explained, seem ordinary, or otherwise make general sense. This may explain why we love to believe myths or religious stories, often with strong emotions.
Happiness vs propagation
Everyone says that having children is a wonderful and joyous experience.
When you actually measure the happiness of parents, however, you don’t see it rising along with parenthood- quite the reverse.
We continue to perpetuate that children bring happiness belief because it is a “super replicator.” That is, people who believe kids are great tend to have them (and pass on that belief) and people who believe the opposite tend to avoid having kids. Ultimately, it helps in the propagation of the species although you may end up miserable in the bargain.
Deluded and happy?
Interestingly, the clinically depressed seem less susceptible to these basic cognitive errors.
For instance, healthy people can be deluded into greater happiness when granted the mere illusion of control over their environment; the clinically depressed recognize the illusion for what it is.
It's yet more evidence that unhappy people have the more accurate view of reality — and that learning how to kid ourselves may be a key to mental health.
The solution?
Can awareness of these cognitive mechanisms make us happier, or at least less deluded?
Not really. In fact, that's sort of Gilbert's point: imagination (or projecting ourselves into the future) ought to be the key to predicting what will make us happy, but we're incapable of imagining accurately.
Conclusion
In an important sense, this book is about delusion.
"How do we manage to think of ourselves as great drivers, talented lovers and brilliant chefs when the facts of our lives include a pathetic parade of dented cars, disappointed partners and deflated soufflés?" Gilbert asks. "The answer is simple: We cook the facts."
To quote Gilbert, “We cannot do without reality and we cannot do without illusion. Each serves a purpose, each imposes a limit on the influence of the other, and our experience of the world is the artful compromise that these tough competitors negotiate”
And we just must live with that.